first month thoughts dreaming leaves and stars

I am staring at my yellow-colored walls and thinking, life has been good. It has been a month since I left my role of two years to pursue the one thing that has been occupying my mind for years now. And today, here I am, it is not just a dream anymore. And it certainly doesn’t feel like it.

Of course, I miss my job of two years. It was a miracle. I didn’t apply for it, it just sent me a text message to come for an interview and there go the years of learning. I’ve built my life around it. My desk at the office – the extension of my own room, the long hours every day – the focus of my life, and so forth called the finer things in life – the food, the industry exploration, the prestige of wearing that one-of-a-kind uniform, having guards and housekeeping people who give their best and kindest service, the engineering staff who takes care of my bag strap whenever it gives up on me. I’ve built my two years around it and filed it in the Comfort tab. But for some reason, the young restlessness kicks in, the thing that I’ve been keeping at the back of my mind begins screaming, and I’ve gone out.

Now here I am, writing this before I go to my new work. At times I feel foolish for leaving, regret it; people tell it to me too. You know primarily because of what? “Why would you go out from a job that is comfortable, that gives you more than enough to travel every month? That introduces you to the finer things in life? That gives you the feeling that you’ve accomplished something?” Comfort, money, superiority. Why, I ask myself? I guess it’s because when I was asked the question, “How do you see yourself 5 years from now”, I knew in myself I didn’t want to answer, “Going up the corporate hotelier ladder.” No, when I was asked this, I knew I want, and that is as simple as... taking pictures.

But here’s the thing about the dream – it isn’t dreamy. It is real life, and real life says in your face, “You left your prestigious job to be this?” Sometimes I explore the negative side of it, but the thing is, I know I should not because I’m here for a reason, and it’s only the beginning. I'm here because I am simply not meant to be there anymore. Being here allows me to sleep long hours, to think, to read more, to write, to see my family actually awake every day, and most of all, to talk to God more. Because in comfort, I lost Him, it’s like I’ve got no need of Him, it’s easy to ignore Him that way. But here, it’s like everything’s about Him, just like the beginning of my previous job. And I found out it is neither about me nor the jobs; it’s about Him and going wherever He goes.

So if the day comes I’m actually led to leave this place, it will not be about leaving and going. It will be about Him. But these things, these that He planted in my heart will always be here and they won’t go away – reading, writing, taking pictures. Dreaming. Doing. Living.