bare light

She isn't what the world thinks she is. They all see her happy, silly, and strong most of the time. But she is scarred, lonely, and afraid at times.

She has been hurt more than she ever lets anyone know. Insecure more than she could ever care to remember. But that's what redeems her from the misery -- her short term memory. She moves on with her mind too quickly, most of the time forgetting her emotions too should follow. She gets lonely when it gets too emotional in the four walls of her room, curling up to the smallest she can get to preserve herself. She's afraid of the dark when she can't see the stars, unfailingly scared of lightning and thunder. She's afraid of losing her memory, the intricate details of moments captured in her mind.

But she will never let you know. Because she's proud and hopeful that way. She lets her ego get the best of her at times and she knows it, then she will retreat back to her shell, her massive personal space to heal herself. She promises to always work on her pride, to let her guard down even just a bit to let people in, and the love she has for herself releases her from it. Afterwards, she will never let you know that she did it. Because as far as she is concerned, she is nothing but a speck of dust in an endless galaxy full of it, apart from Love whom she lives for and worships.

She is awkward and silent on her own. She can make herself laugh. She has the silliest things in mind. She keeps only a handful of friends and invests herself in them, a few people she trusts and receives from. This is her surface, her filtered thoughts, her screen, her manifestation.

But she is more than a thousand words in one, an infinite spectrum of colors and moods. She is the deepest well of emotions, and she knows she has that kind of love that can sweep off a multiple of mistakes in one. She can love beyond the hurt, and she can laugh it off when it's time. 

She writes because she knows she can't move on without acknowledging who she is. She writes because she wants to understand herself.

She is the one whom you will never fully know. Cause she knows she will never do either. She's an introvert at her finest, she's an introvert at her worst. She is afraid and yet she shows.